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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, I roll outta bed, right? It’s 6 AM, and I’m already late. My coffee maker’s acting up—like, c’mon! I need my caffeine fix! I dash outta my apartment on Main St. and hop into my beat-up truck. The streets are already buzzing. You know how it is in Lionel-Town. People rushing, honking, and I’m just trying to navigate through the chaos.

Lionel Town Health Centre on the mend